I finished my last group of exams today so now my school year is pretty much finished. I know i should feel happy or excited but i just really don't feel like celebrating. I came to the realization today that for all i've done and sacrificed i have nothing. This year i went for weeks without sleep and lived on virtually nothing but toast and cups of tea all because i wanted to do well at my school work and my homework. Looking back on it all i realize i've achieved nothing, my grades don't particularly stand out as being truly great in anything but business and art, and it seems that no one i know actually cares about art as a subject, so many times i've heard it said that art is nothing but a bludge subject simply because "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
Possibly worse than all of that however is the fact that i am leaving my crappy former school with the knowledge that none of my friends were actually friends whatsoever. I mean am i that much of an asshole that no one liked me at all? all i ever wanted to do was do well in school and in life, and it just seems that everyone resents me for it. I don't know the reasons for it, maybe it's my personality, maybe it's because i was too bitter too often, maybe they picked up on the fact that from the very beginning i never truly respected them.
Anyway, i can rest assured i do still have a small handful of my older friends left, and i am absolutely overjoyed that my favorite one of them all is still there (even if he is more than twice my age lol)
And i can at least be happy that i've already been able to make a decent number of friends at my new school (plus my primary school best friend is there too).
I realize the road to success is paved with sorrow and doubt, however i must say i'm just a little pissed off that i didn't get so much as a goodbye from any of them. As was the general idea presented in my last journal entry, 'I'll show them all". I will become the worlds greatest fashion designer and i will bury them in my ambition and success.